Friday, June 24, 2016

Motherly Advice...Let's talk about stress, baby....

Hi Sweetie. Come in, come in. What brings you here today?
 
Ohhhh....you're having one of THOSE days. I know. Unavoidable sometimes. What's happened?
 
I hear you. Yep, that's frustrating. Husbands, kids, dogs. Guaranteed to get the better of you sometimes....hahaha!
 
 
The thing is that it's all a bit of what I call Panic Transferance. As in 'your panic is not my panic'. Yes, you may well laugh, I know you've heard me say it many times *wry grin*.
 
There's certainly no point weeping about it, so come here and give me a hug, and let's talk about how we can fix this....
 
 
So let's see, apart from the fact that everyone in the family is making their panic YOUR panic, what do you see are the main problems here?
 
The reason I ask is because quite often, it just boils down to someone not holding up their end of the bargain, speaking family-wise, I mean. Somebody doesn't get something done, which means that someone else can't do what they need to do.
 
Here's a couple of examples....
 
The girl child, yes that cheeky one of yours with the big baby blue eyes. She doesn't put her unwashed sports uniform in the wash basket and instead leaves it where she's taken it off, on the bedroom floor. It doesn't get washed, so next time she needs it, not only is there a panic to find it (under the pile of washing now kicked under her bed), but apparently it's all YOUR fault for not knowing that she needed it two days later. You, it seems, were meant to intuit that she would fail to put her dirty washing in the laundry basket, go searching for it, wash it, and return it to her room, pristine and ready to go. Right? Wrong! She should have looked at her schedule, known that she needed the uniform clean for the day after tomorrow, and made sure she put it in the laundry basket to be washed. Yep. It's a clear cut case of 'your panic is not my panic'. I guess she'll have to wear a smelly uniform. It won't kill her and if she's ostracized by her buddies for being a little 'on the nose', well maybe she'll remember next time....hahaha!
 
Now that lovely man of yours. What did he say...'you should have known I'd need that paperwork by today'. Well, how could you know if when he gives it to you, he says 'just whenever Honey'. Sometimes, you gotta lead them by the nose (in Equestrian speak) and ask the question 'when do you need this back, Sweetheart?', and don't take 'Whenever Honey' as the right answer.
 
Rules and boundaries Sweetie. You've heard me mention them before. What's that fella on TV....Dr Phil...what's he say? 'You teach people how to treat you?'. Yes, well, a few lessons for the family are needed here I think.
 
First of all, you need to state clearly what you will no longer do, AND state the action you expect from them in future.
 
'I will no longer tolerate you yelling at me when your washing isn't done. You will either put the dirty laundry in the laundry basket, or you will do your own laundry'.
 
'I love you, but I am not a mind reader. If you need something by a certain date, you have to tell me when you leave it with me for finalising.'
 
You get the idea?
 
Now the scary bit. No matter how much they then try to make THEIR panic, YOUR panic, stand firm. Do not let anyone belittle or berate you into feeling bad for their personal mismanagement. And believe me, the first few times you do this, that is almost guaranteed to happen. There'll be ranting and tears (although not yours I hope!), but stand firm, or nothing will ever change, okay?
 
Come, give me a hug, and promise me you'll do this. You are nobodys doormat, and your family shouldn't be disrespecting you this way.
 
Let's have a cuppa. I made some really cute little pastry rosettes yesterday, and you're gonna love them.
 
 
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13 comments:

  1. So true, Mimi. Are you speaking from experience by any chance? LOL!

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  2. very true Mimi, I am inherently lazy(really would rather read) so my family knew if they didn't do it no-one would.

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    1. Lol Meg! A great strategy. Mimi xxx

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  3. Great post and advice. I set these ground rules very early on in my relationship with my hubby and later with my kids. Sometimes the consequences of their "panic" was the best teacher. ;)

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    1. Yes that is true too Debbie! Mimi x

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  4. Excellent advice. But I have recently realized that if something bothers me more than it bothers my partner, it's easier to do it (wash dishes, clean up the kitchen) than to wait for him to while feeling resentment.

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  5. This is brilliant, Mimi. You are spot on. Can we see each other on my chalkface holiday.... Marche du Macaron???? Xxxx

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    1. Absolutely dear Flora! Shall call you. Mimi xxx

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  6. I could not have said all this better!! The wash is huge here and I am with you on that one. I also agree with Jodi a little....sometimes I just do it so I don't have to wait for them to realize they should!! It is MY house and I like things orderly!

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  7. Love this! Been there and done that.

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  8. Hi Mimi,

    I found your blog through Annabel :)
    Thanks so much for the motherly advice, I have 2 teenagers and love them to bits, but oh they drive me crazy! xx

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I love hearing from you! I always respond to comments, so don't be shy! Mimi xxx