On my Tray of Bliss today was a bit of decluttering.
To my great surprise, I came across a journal I kept years ago when I was in a desperately unhappy relationship. I had recorded my thoughts and feelings and written a lot of poetry. Some of which is quite good in retrospect...although some was also truly awful!
It's been a long time since those bad years, and I am thankful every day for my 'new' man. Well, it's 15 years, but he still feels 'new' to me. He's kind, thoughtful, funny, generous and truly is my soulmate. Lucky me, and perhaps too, Lucky him!
My wish back in those days, was just for a peaceful life. Jealousy and confrontation make for a very vexed existence, and I remember many tearful encounters back then. Hardly what one would call 'peaceful and harmonious'...my goals in life both then and now. Clearly when I wrote this particular poem, I'd already had a bit of an epiphany, and looking at the date I wrote it, that was perhaps the turning point.
So maybe today could be a turning point for you. Ask yourself whether there are things in your life that only you can change, that would make for a more peaceful and harmonious life. Jealousy takes many forms and is sometimes a very human reaction to a very bad relationship situation. As Lady Diana famously said 'Well, there were three of us in the marriage'. Not good.
But if Jealousy is forcing you to spend irresponsibly or take out loans to 'Keep Up With The Joneses', then maybe sit down and write out what's really important to you.
For me, it's a peaceful life (difficult with a truckload of debt or three in a marriage!), the safety, security and happiness of my family, the ability to be as self sufficient as possible so that if hard times strike, we can still have a plentiful existence, and a hug at night from my daughter for many years to come.
Here's my poem...laugh if you will, but it was a true reflection of my feelings at the time.
I'm a Jealousy junkie
hungry for heartache
disappointment's my need
that's the choice I make
Keep hoping for a miracle cure
for your love to make me secure
but my addiction makes it plain
my affections cause me pain
So lie to me, don't cry for me
Empty promises in my ear
the truth for me holds no enticement
only your indiscretions feed my excitment
The green eyed dragon's what I hold most dear.
What's on your Tray of Bliss today?