Motherly Advice...Finding Contentment in less...

 

I've written copiously on this topic over the years. You can read about my thoughts on surviving depression and disorganisation here, and here. I wrote here, about what children remember. Here we discussed Nurturing of Self, Home, Spirit and loved ones and how that brings contentment. And here in one of my Insourcing posts, and thanks to a friend and reader, Mel, I found much in my own life, for which I was thankful.

 

I've had periods of plenty and lean periods both. You too? Life does have a swings and roundabouts way of things sometimes. One year you're up, the next you're down. Relationships break down, life moves on, new relationships are discovered. Todays career promotion, is tomorrows stress. Toddlers become human (lol), before reverting to toddler like behaviour in their teens.

 

If you let every little swing this way, and roundabout circle that way, dictate your mood, you'll never find contentment.

 

Career?

 

I confess that when I was younger, I was convinced that contentment lay in self-fulfilment through my career. I certainly gained a great deal of financial satisfaction that way. I was respected by my peers and I liked that as well. But, I missed out on much of my sons growing up while I was at it.

 

That said, I do not regret my career girl days, and nor should you, if you're in that position now. They taught me a great deal about myself and the big, wide world out there, and certainly rubbed off some of the naiveté`, that was part of me back then. I should add though, that the cut and thrust of car/hair/jewellery/childs achievement type conversations, at School pickup probably did the same....lol! Hair raising stuff, I tell ya!

 

Thankfully the Universe saw fit to bless me with a daughter later in life, and the contentment that I have found in being a full time Mum and Caregiver, has been abundant.

 

Stage of Life?

 

Sometimes I think it is a coming-of-age thing, this contentment. You have to live a bit of life, to appreciate what's really important. And what seems important at 25 or 35, can only be deemed less so with the tyranny of distance. Certainly what makes us happy at 20, is not necessarily what brings us joy at 50. What is achievable at 50, is perhaps impractical or simply impossible, at 20. 

 

It helps to accept that part of the swings and roundabouts of life, is that each stage has it's own joys and relish them as they come. Your children will never be 3 again. Sometimes I wish for the days when mine were 3. But then I wouldn't be enjoying the fact that they're 23 or 33, now, would I?

 

Social Circle?

 

Some people think that you have to have a group of like-minded friends to find contentment. There is a little grain of truth in that. But quite frankly, I don't have a single friend in my day to day life, who is at the same stage of child rearing, financial thinking, and Nanna-hood, that I am. I do however, have a close circle of online friends who fulfill that need admirably. Thank the stars for blogging! Maybe you too, can find support and contentment that way.

 

Visitors Eyes

 

Anyway, the main thing I've learned in my lifetime, is that contentment has little to do with acquiring the small stuff. I confess I've been as guilty as anyone of thinking that filling my home with knick knacks that make a statement about my personal preferences, was the path to contentment.

 

One day I had this epiphany. I don't actually know why. But I was just about to pay for something in one of those glossy magazine worthy shops. You know. The ones that smell divine, and have something playing on their muzak that sounds like it's coming from an old French film noir. They also usually have lots of mirrors, twinkly lighting, and a great deal of temptation, right down to the divinely wrapped and scented soaps next to the register, that like the candy at the supermarket register, implore you to part with just a little more of your hard earned cash.

 

It truly was like a bolt out of the blue. I just suddenly realised that even when I got my purchase home (frankly, I don't even recall what it was), my own home was still not going to look anything like the shop in which I was currently standing. Because the thing I had in my hand was only appealing, nestled amongst the plethora of other similar items. All that twinkle and shine, all that crystal and glass. All. That. Stuff.

 

Without warning, I felt a bit claustrophobic. All That Stuff was suddenly Too Much Stuff. Both in the shop and in my home. I returned home, and looked at things with fresh eyes. With Visitors Eyes. Do you ever do that? It's actually a trick I learned in my career girl days. Whenever the Big Boss was visiting from wherever, we looked around the office with Visitors Eyes. Pot plants would disappear in a flourish, desks would be cleared, and office refrigerators cleansed of their stash of month old home lunches.

 

It's a good strategy. The Visitors Eyes.

 

Don't get me wrong. I still love my little pretties around me. But these days, I am far more discerning about what I have on display. I choose judiciously, and only display my current favourites. Those can change seasonally, or with my mood. Rarely do I have more than a handful out at any given time, and no longer do I hand over my hard earned dollars to glitzy homemaker stores. I make my own 'home'.

 

A Peaceful Life?

 

One thing I've decided unequivocally, is that Contentment for me, means a peaceful life. One begets the other. Peace = Contentment and vice versa.

 

Not for me a noisy Café` breakfast that relieves us of $40-$60 of our hard earned cash, when I can cook mouth watering Crepes in an instant at home for mere cents...

 

 

I find an odd contentment in having an organised home. A recent investment of just over $100 in clear kitchen canisters, actually saved us several hundred in renovations. We thought we lacked space, when what we lacked was organisation.

 

 

A beloved and extensive collection of vintage Harlequin canisters, was whittled down to just my favourite pinks. And they now shine as they are no longer jostling for attention amongst the many. Clutter begone!

 

Spending time passing on skills to my children and grandchildren brings me peace and contentment. I lost my Nanna at aged 11, but she has continued to be an enduring influence upon me in everything from baking to gardening. I want my children and grandchildren to have those same memories when I am gone.

 

My daughter recently baked this cake...

 

We enjoyed it with Passionfruit Curd made by her also, using home grown passionfruit. I used this as an opportunity to also teach her how to make 3 minute vanilla bean custard.

 

My Granddaughter looks forward to baking with Nanna, as I did when I was her age. And the fact that the icing isn't perfect, is completely irrelevant.

 

 

 

I've spoken often about drying inexpensive bouquets of supermarket roses, to use in craft projects, or simply to display as is.

 



 

And a recent decision to hand paint our own existing crockery, in preference to purchasing a set in the colours we wanted, has seen everyones creativity come to the fore, making memories in the process.

 

 

Everyone has a favourite flower or herb. It's always been a special joy of mine to grow a single favourite in abundance. Once upon a time, that was garlic chives and jasmine in tiny pots near my rented front door. Now I am privileged to grow fruit trees and flowers in abundance in my own back yard. My French Lavender is an ongoing pleasure.

 



 

 

And our citrus trees attract all kinds of wildlife. You cannot imagine my granddaughters excitement at finding this butterfly right at her eye level yesterday.

 

 

And then there is the supreme contentment of knowing that our own example, sets the tone for our loved ones.

 

After a busy morning of fun with my granddaughter yesterday, she declared it was time for a cupcake and a cup of tea. I made the tea, she found me a book (ironically A French Woman for All Seasons which I don't think advocates cupcakes...lol!), and brought me a cupcake she and I had made together.

 

Lessons learned, memories made.

 

...Mimi...

A New You #5...Dressing the Petite Plus Size Apple Shape...Investment dressing....

 

In my year long quest to find a more Chic presentation for my 57 year old self, I've made two investments that I think are amongst the best I've ever made.

 

First of all, I invested in Marie-Anne Lecoeur's French Chic Academy.

 

As I found Marie-Anne just before Christmas last year, and we were off on an overseas holiday, I elected to pay using the payment plan. That payment plan has just been completed, and I now have lifetime access to the Academy, and in fact, to Marie-Anne herself, who is generous with her time and advice on all manner of questions relating to what to wear, when and how, to present oneself in the most flattering light.

 

The most profound change I made once I had invested in Marie-Annes course, was to stop shopping. I mean really stop shopping. I was always proud of my thrifty ways, and my knack of shopping at the 'right' sort of thrift stores. I found many a good bargain over the years, and never once felt guilty about the spending. I was shopping frugally, supporting charity, recycling and wearing designer labels for a fraction of their retail cost.

 

BUT, was I dressing in the way in which I truly wanted? The honest answer is a no. I was finding things that I thought were 'me', and which suited my budget and looked nice, but were they the most supremely flattering garments? Not always, no. However, I justified that by telling myself that these items were costing under $10 per piece for the majority of the time, so if I only wore them 4-6 times, and then re-donated them, I was still doing okay. Meanwhile my wardrobe was bursting with things I didn't wear, and my sewing table was groaning under a mountain of garments that needed little alterations.

 

It couldn't go on. So I just stopped. Just like that. As you do with any undesirable habit built up over years, when you finally have the motivation. No longer do I just pop in to my favourite Op Shops as we call them, for a look. No longer to I spend up to $50 a week on items that surely are a bargain, but which are not going to live in my wardrobe for longer than 3 months. No more do I flick through the Sale racks in my favourite department stores, buying things based mostly upon their impressively reduced price. I just don't do it. Suddenly, there was the money I needed to invest in my course. And as there are weekly updates, I found I was looking forward to these, as much as I previously anticipated my trips to the Op Shop!

 

Marie-Anne's course suddenly made sense of all of those platitudes with which we are familiar, describing why the French are renowned for their Chic style, and why they continue to be admired worldwide, for their immaculate presentation. I'd heard many of them over and over in my lifetime.

 

 Here are some:

 

Invest in classics

Invest in quality

Buy the best you can afford

Have fewer garments, and love everything you own

Look for beautiful detailing

Buy what suits you

Buy what you love

 

Do any of those sound familiar to you too?

 

The thing is, that this advice is open to interpretation. And I'll be honest, my interpretation hasn't always been that accurate.

 

Let's deal with a couple of these today.

 

Invest in classics - well to me that means having a couple of pairs of jeans, a blazer, a white button down shirt, a pair of boots and a leather handbag. All items I've sourced according to the many '10 Things a French Woman has in her Closet' types of lists we've all seen hundreds of times. But what the lists don't tell you, is that there are a million variations on jeans, blazers, shirts, boots and bags, and what suits one person, is not necessarily going to suit you.

 

Because the number one thing, and in fact the FIRST thing that Marie-Anne taught me, was this.

 

 Are you ready? I've been talking about it a lot this year.

 

~ DRESS FOR YOUR BODY SHAPE ~

 

Honestly, that one piece of information was life changing for me.

 

First of all, I'd thought for many years, that I was an Hourglass shape. And yes, I may have been at one stage, but I haven't been for many years. I am an Apple shape. And not only that, I am a short, slightly overweight Apple shape. One of the most difficult shapes to dress.

 

Secondly, much of the information available on dressing the Apple shape, is seriously misguided. Belts? I don't think so. Rockabilly style dresses with fitted tops and gathered skirts, (and belts!) worn with mile high heels? Um. Nope. Lots of layers to 'disguise' fullness around the middle? Isn't that self defeating?

 

For every body shape, the aim is the same.

 

~THINK LONG, LEAN, AND WELL PROPORTIONED~

 

This is especially true for we who are petite and plus size. We desperately want to look taller, more slender, more streamlined. Right?

 

Here is the sort of thing that is marketed to the Apple Shape woman constantly. This is the very look I have cultivated for the last decade, wondering why I just didn't look the kind of 'pulled together' that I wanted. After all, this look is sold in the plus size section of every retailer you can possibly imagine, so it must be right....right?

 

Wrong.

 

 

 

Retailers are about fashion, not style. Retailers want you to buy stuff, so they present their stock in whatever manner required, to make you buy. They don't care if it actually looks good on you or not. In our case, they just label it 'Plus size', or 'Curvy', or use a full figured celebrity name on it, and we all just follow suit. Are you hearing me? And what it doesn't take into account, is that Plus Sized women can be all different body shapes too. There are Plus sized Apple shapes, Plus sized Pear Shapes, Plus Size Rectangles, Plus sized Hourglass, and Plus sized Inverted Triangles. What suits you as a Plus sized Pear, will not suit me as an Apple any more than it would if we were both slender. It's a stupid 'one size fits all fat ladies' sort of approach. Infuriating.

 

The look above, continues to sell, year in, year out, because we curvy types have been convinced that this is the only thing we should (can?) wear. Can I share what I've learned from applying the advice from The French Chic Academy, that has seen me donate 5 such Waterfall cardigans to my favourite charity bin?

 

1. These are usually made in a fine, closely woven knit. In theory, we Apple shapes SHOULD wear fine knits over bulky ones as the bulky knits add...well...bulk to our shape. But these waterfall cardigans are usually long at the back, and a fine knit is going to cling to your behind, accentuating all that is BIG about it. That might be okay if you're into the Generous Booty Brigade (and more power to you), but it's not the look I'm cultivating.

 

2. The whole 'waterfall' thing is considered flattering because it hides all of our perceived figure faults. Overly generous chest? Hidden. Round tummy? Hidden. Curvy thighs? Hidden. But it also hides all of our good points. Our generous chests are a good thing. Accentuated with a flattering V-neck in a slim cardigan or sweater, with appropriate visually lengthening accessories, our chests (fitted with the right size bra...a high chest is a youthful chest so says Marie-Anne), they can balance out our rounded tummy and thighs. V necklines are good for we Apple ladies. A V is visually lengthening in itself.

 

3.  We Apple shapes should studiously avoid anything that adds bulk to our frame. That goes for any superfluous fuss and frills....including waterfall cardigans. All that extra fabric might look okay front on, but side on, it presents the same problem as wearing a belt. To me, it looks as if I forgot I was fat...lol!

 

If you like that look, there are ways to wear it so it flatters our silhouette. Let's look at how, according to French Chic principles.

 

The looks featured in the panel above, have a few faults. White is always going to make the part of your body on which you wear it, look larger than it is. Light colours 'advance', dark colours 'recede'. The second and third variations, both have the models (who by the way are NOT a plus size Apple shape....another trick!) wearing a white top with a nondescript neckline. That's okay to show off the cardi I guess, but not the most flattering way for us to wear it.

 

The best way to look Long and Lean, is to wear darker colours, or at least to not 'break' the visual silhouette by mixing colours. This means that a monochromatic (meaning single colour, not black and white) look is more flattering.

 

So...

 

~WEAR MONOCHROMATIC COLOUR SCHEMES~

 

Look for plainer lines, forgoing the whole 'waterfall' idea. Of course, when I went looking for an image of something along those lines, it was almost impossible, but if you search 'Tunic Jacket' or 'Long Blazer', some ideas pop up. I liked this one.

 

 

 

 

I know, I know. She's not a petite plus sized Apple either. You begin to see the problem, don't you. But this jacket is better. It's more structured, it's in a fabric that is closely woven, but this one is not likely to cling where you don't want it to, and finishes at a point around the hips where it won't make you look larger than you are. I'd add weights to the inside hemline (a Chanel trick to make your garments drape more beautifully... fishing weights work well). This jacket has a narrow lapel, that forms a long flattering V shape down your centre front. It has that all important downward pointing V detail on along the hemline, tricking the eye into making your look long and lean. It also has an interesting zipper and cuff detail that draws attention to your lovely wrists. Little details are key in adopting a French Chic outlook, and you should look for subtle details in your key pieces. Worn monochrome in any colour, this jacket would be a Chic choice, for sure.

 

Thus...

 

~ELIMINATE SUPERFLUOUS FUSS AND DETAIL~

 

Now let's look at two other points...

 

Invest in quality

 

and

 

Buy the best you can afford

 

These points have confused me for most of my life. Investing in quality made sense in terms of longevity, but I always wondered what you did when fashions changed. And buying the best you can afford? Well I was doing that by shopping thriftily at Op Shops and end of season sales, wasn't I?

 

Here's where I was going wrong, and why 'fashions changing' shouldn't have even been in the mix.

 

The every day French woman, does not care about 'fashion'. She cares about 'style'. She cultivates a small wardrobe (partly because she only has a small closet in which to store it) of beautifully curated pieces, that she wears perennially. She adds investment accessories to bring variety to her choices.

 

I love that word 'curated'.

 

"Curated (kyew-rayt) verb to select, organise and look after the items in a collection."

 

Isn't that in itself, a revelation?

 

When I look back over my life, my 'style' has not varied greatly. I've always favoured jeans, straight skirts, blazers, pearls, scarves and long blouses. I've always looked for a classy presentation, depending upon where I was on that day. Some days I've been better at that than others. My size however, defeats me.

 

 I have grown from a size 8 at 21, to a size 16-18 at 57. That said, over each decade of my life, my size has not changed significantly. As for many of us, it's been a gradual 'creeping up' of things. So had I spent $120 on that divine silk blend t-shirt, or $650 on that designer blazer I admired greatly, and still regret not purchasing, I would have enjoyed wearing them for many years and probably not needed as many garments in my wardrobe. I would have been imminently proud and satisfied, in 'curating' those pieces.

 

 Instead, I went about spending $50 here, $75 there, perhaps $120 on a single occasion outfit, and never wore any of them more than a handful of times. Suddenly, that advice makes sense.

 

~DO NOT BE A CONSUMER. BE A CURATOR~

 

As for the advice 'buy the best you can afford', I have to confess that this is one of the very first questions I put to Marie-Anne. I had heard that French women beat a path to Monoprix (sort of the French version of Target or KMart) to purchase their Cashmere sweaters each Winter. Surely that is not buying the best you can afford. Her response was simple, and another revelation for me.

 

She said that French women know the value of a Cashmere sweater. They do indeed buy the best they can afford, and if the best they can afford is Monoprix, then they will buy a single Cashmere from Monoprix for 75euro, over several inferior synthetic ones for 25euro each. BUT they prefer to save for the expensive Cashmere they really want. They would rather wait, make other sacrifices, and invest in the quality Cashmere sweater of their dreams, and look after it. Invest in quality. See? The two really do go hand in hand.

 

~SAVE FOR THE ITEMS YOU REALLY WANT~

 

I had wanted a strand of Baroque pearls since forever. I've written about that before. So armed with Marie-Anne's advice, I used the savings I was making on not shopping, to INVEST in my dream pearls. I've showcased them a couple of times now. I love them so much. These were my second investment. The first being of course, my investment in The French Chic Academy.

 

I'd heard, and read often, that pearls enhance the wearer, and that they are versatile, and timeless. I even had some pearls, purchased as a wedding gift by my husband.

 

 

But these pearls always felt very formal to me, and even though I saw others wearing them daily, I never felt they were what I was after. I wear them, but rarely. I wasn't getting that vibe that people rave about when discussing pearls.

 

I've often heard too, the advice that the 'fake it till you make it' strategy works with pearls. I have to now categorically disagree with that. Once you've seen good quality, genuine pearls against your skin, and felt the sheer weight of them, there is no way you could ever compare them to faux pearls in any way, shape, or form. I've seen department store faux pearl strands selling for nearly $200 because they have some designer name attached to them. I've seen 'estate' genuine pearls selling for twice that because they belonged to someones Granny, that look exactly like my wedding pearls. For $500, I was able to invest in exactly the pearls I wanted. Genuine pearls, that truly are everything I'd been led to believe pearls should be. That might sound like a lot of money, but again, if I had exercised some discipline some years ago, if I'd 'thought like a French woman', I could have had the pearls of my dreams and been enjoying them for so much longer. I've spent more than $500 on accessories in the last decade, and not worn any of them more than a dozen times.

 

THESE pearls, the ones at the top of my post, are the pearls I now wear almost every single day. Every. Single. Day. I wear the earrings daily. The long necklace, several times a week, and daily if I can. Just the thrill of knowing I have them, makes me far more careful about choosing my daily outfit. I WANT to wear them, so I now 'curate' my wardrobe, to ensure that I have every available opportunity to do so.

 

 

I purchased my pearls from Laura at JaguarJems, and she has pearls to suit every budget. And sure enough, when you see genuine, superior quality pearls up close, and come to appreciate their lustre and beauty, I guarantee that they do indeed, enhance the wearer. There is nothing like them. Especially these beautiful oversized Baroque ones. I made sure that I chose the colour of pearls, that was most flattering to my complexion and hair colour. Not for me, the traditional creamy ivory pearls. I wanted the lustrous blue-violet ones, to compliment my silver hair and blue-green eyes.

 

I got exactly what I wanted, and for a price that I consider 'an investment' and 'the best I can afford', whilst still staying within my budget. I paid for my pearls, AND my course, by using those very principles I'd heard so often, but did not make sense of until now.

 

I feel quite the grown-up.

 

Husband and I went antique shopping yesterday. We wanted to buy an interesting trinket as a joint wedding anniversary gift. So something warm and comfortable was the order of the day as far as dress sense goes.

 

Here below, you can see that I assembled an outfit that is:

 

Monochromatic (single colour or tone on tone) using dark denim, a fine knit navy cardigan with a row of vertical buttons to carry the eye vertically, a V neckline, and a plain black blazer with no superfluous detail.

 

Uses accessories to make me look long and lean. A scarf in a colour that is flattering to my complexion and hair, tied so that it shows a V at the neck rather than up around my neck choker style, dangling earrings, a long necklace.

 

Free of fussy detail, frills, or fabric, that would add bulk to my frame.

 

Was comfortable, warm, appropriate for where I was going, and saw me looking Chic (always my aim) for the entire day.

 

Saw me showcasing my investment pieces...my pearls and a pure silk scarf.

 

The metallic silver sneakers are another investment. I bought these three years ago, and they were expensive by my standards. Over $200. But they have a properly supportive innersole, and are amazingly comfortable and versatile. Normally the advice for long and lean, would extend to wearing heels, but sometimes, that is simply not practical. What I love about these, is that the metallic finish renders them (to my eye at least) almost like a nude shoe. They could look clunky, but they don't. I have worn them constantly for three years and they are still going. I had a pair of silver imitation Converse sneakers that I paid $20 for at around the same time. My feet hurt in them, and I wore them but twice, before donating them to charity. Another lesson.

 

 

 

So what are your thoughts?

 

Are you thinking Long and Lean? Are you using monochromatic colour schemes, and eliminating superfluous fabric and detail, to visually trick the eye into thinking you are taller and more slender? Are you buying the best you can afford and investing in quality? Are you striving to be a Curator, not a Consumer?

 

Tell me all....

 

...Mimi...    

Homespun Things...hand decorated dinnerware...

 

My recent kitchen appliance win and subsequent (already planned) kitchen renovation has rung all kinds of changes here.

 

First of all, the appliances had to be chosen. We used the Neff win to offset some expenses in our business, using the savings on those upgrades, to buy the oven of my dreams. Now in a cooler climate, this would be an Aga. But Aga make a version for warmer climates, called the Falcon. We had $6,000 to spend, and lo and behold, when we walked into the showroom to make our selection, here was this divine Navy Blue Falcon range, reduced from $8,600 to $6,000. I tell you. That thing was meant to be mine.

 

 

We had already started painting the kitchen and kitchen furniture in a flat white...

 

 

 

 ...and just knew that the Navy Blue oven was going to become the feature. I think it will look fabulous. We will be building a traditional French Farmhouse arch in which to house it. Very much like this...

 

My oven is double the size of the one above though, so it will be quite imposing!

 

So, how to continue that theme through to the open plan living and dining area?

 

Well there are plans afoot to extend the dining room and build a 16 seat distressed dining table to house our large family. Chandeliers are in the mix too, which I am beyond excited about.

 

So blue and white themed china is the order of the day.

 

Well. Can I tell you, there ain't much out there that doesn't cost a bomb. Alternatively, I'm stuck with patterns that I don't like anyway, in an effort to keep to my budget.

 

Which is where this nifty Porcelain pen comes in.

 

 

Now I have seen on Pinterest that you can use a Sharpie to decorate china, so perhaps buying the specialty pen was not necessary. I do have some Sharpies, so they'll get a look in as well.

 

But meanwhile, I set about drawing on my existing plain white plates, imitating some of the patterns I'd been admiring online.

 

This one was inspired by the Royal Copenhagen pattern below. I think I've captured the elements that I liked in this design, whilst also making it my own with small changes, as seen above. To buy this pattern, I'd be looking at 85 Euros per plate. I need 16. Plus spares. You do the calculations...eeek!

 

This pattern below, is part of the same range. So, you see, it is meant to be a mix and match look.

 

A serving platter like this one below, again in the same pattern range, I'm looking at 299 Euro.

 

 

I see my KMart $20 platter getting a makeover. How about you?

 

This Royal Doulton pattern, just lots of tiny dots, would set me back $179 for four place settings. And that's on sale.

 

I don't need the cups and bowls anyway, so that would be a waste. Here's my take on the Dots...

 

Cute Scandinavian inspired dinnerware for kids can be ridiculously expensive too. For what it is, at least.

 

This Hedgehog plate costs $17. Not bad. But still.

 

 

My granddaughters will love their French Inspired Blue Cat just as much I think.

 

 

And of course, the advantage in decorating your own china, is that everyone can have a go if they like. Here's the one my 17 year old daughter did this morning. Well, why not?

 

Plain white dinnerware is always available. I saw some at KMart on the weekend, for 75c each piece. At $10 for the pen, and a bit of time, how can you go wrong?

 

It certainly beats $100 AUD per plate! And what memories you can make to boot.

 

We are having a ball decorating our own unique dinner service. What do you think? Will you attempt your own one of a kind china decorating?

 

You might have a family heirloom in the making.

...Mimi...

Motherly Advice...the importance of routine...

 

 

We Home Managers, and especially Home Managers that also have outside commitments like paid work, volunteering, and family support,  have to look after ourselves. We cannot devote our best selves to our plans for guarding the Home and Budget, if we feel like a train wreck. Feeling like a train wreck comes easily to Mums, Dads, significant others, and Home Managers. We're on call 24/7, no-one gives us a day off and if we become ill, no-one soothes our fevered brow. We have to do it all ourselves.

As Home Managers, we should strive to be at our optimum levels of health, fitness and general wellbeing, because that, ultimately, will assist us in achieving all of our other goals.

I find that having a routine is an enormous help in both getting the most out of each day, and in ensuring that I am looking after myself. Routines, like lists, ensure that things don't get missed. And if you're anything like me, unless I deliberately set aside time for recuperation and rejuvenation, the main thing that gets missed is looking after my own health and wellbeing.

Here are some of my routines. Maybe they'll help you in considering what routines you need in your own life.

The 6am routine

We all rise at 6am. It's a special time of the day. It means we often get to see the sun rise, and whilst it's not always over the ocean, as seen above, over the back porch can be just as lovely.

 My husband heads off for his morning walk, and my daughter starts her waking routine of making sure she hasn't missed anything earth shattering on social media overnight (insert rolling of parental eyes). I spend the first half hour setting out breakfast things (if I haven't already done so the night before), and unloading the diswasher. I put the previous days clothing and linen on to wash. I get the coffee pot ready with two cups ready to go next to it, and put a teabag in my own cup. I make the bed and feed the dog, giving him some love and attention while I'm at it. I look at what we're having for dinner and get the slow cooker going or remove components from the freezer. By then my daughter is usually up and about, and my husband has returned from his walk. My daughter makes her own bed as soon as she rises. We all fling ourselves in to showering, eating and talking about the day ahead, breakfast routine running like a well oiled machine. We're out the door between 7am for husband, and 8 for my daughter and me. The house is tidy, the washing is done and on the line, beds are made, dinner is planned.

What's this got to do with my health? Well, it minimises stress. I only have a tiny galley-style kitchen, and it's painful having more than two people in there at a time. We trip over each other in our haste to be out the door in time, and tempers become frazzled. Not a good way to start the day.

 Patting the dog, well, that's good for him and for me :).

The rest is all about 'Knowing what comes next'. 'Knowing what comes next' is important. It prevents leakage of money to takeaway outlets, it fosters confidence and peace within the family, and generates a positive energy in the household as everyone understands their part in the puzzle. If for some reason, any of us now get caught up unexpectedly, or some crisis arises, I know that the house is tidy, beds are made, dinner is planned, the dog is fed and has water, and the washing is done.

 Whatever else happens today, our arrival home will be like walking in to the sanctuary I want 'home' to be.

It's well documented now, that stress is a major contributor to many illnesses and health issues, and also affects the way we look, feel, and interact with our families and the rest of the world. The outside world is stressful enough. The least I can do is send my family out the door with the best possible outlook for the day ahead. Simple things like my 6am routine, achieve this.

Now, don't give me the roll of the eyes and the lecture about being nobodys' slave. If I have chosen to be the Home Manager in my family, the home-based warrior, then I must accept the responsibilities that come with that role. I believe that sending my family out in to their day with a happy disposition, knowing they are loved, is one of the most important things I can do. If they are calm, relaxed, and confident about what lays ahead at work or school, then that benefits not just our family, but the community at large. No road rage, no overdose of caffeine without a decent breakfast, no addled brain from sugar laden cereal.

The Eating Routine

As for the eating, well, we strive to eat healthy without going overboard. We eat gluten-free as my daughter is gluten intolerant, and find we ALL feel better for it. Gluten free baked goods are a regular on our menu, as I love cooking them. But I temper this with alternating between something luxurious like Gluten Free Butter Shortbread, and something healthier like Gluten Free Apple and Cinnamon muffins with just a little Agave Syrup added for sweetness. These are the treats that replace all other prepackaged foods, so we allow ourselves a few yummy morsels. Our meals consist of a regular dose of salmon and other seafood (which are not usually preprepared, but bought and eaten fresh) twice a week, three red meat meals and two vegetarian meals. We enjoy enormous amounts of salad and vegetables, and always have fruit available as a snack. My daughter and I particularly love berries, figs and citrus fruit of any kind, whereas my husband like his bananas and grapes. These days we have the added pleasure of growing our own fruit, so at least a couple of times a week, we are able to harvest oranges, mandarins, figs, pawpaw, bananas, mulberries, limes and lemons from our own trees. We try to eat seasonally as far as possible and if we're not harvesting from our own garden, we look for similar locally grown, seasonal produce from markets and greengrocers.

We all take a multivitamin daily, and two Garlic, C and Horseradish capsules from early Autumn (Fall) through to late Spring. We rarely get a bad flu, although realistically, we still get a touch of whatever is going around. However our recuperative powers are good, and we recover quickly.

I'm not a health practitioner, and we take these things in consultation with our GP and alternative health practitioner, so I suggest you do the same.

The Exercise Routine

Exercise is a part of our routine as well. We don't go overboard, and we don't spend huge sums joining gyms or having a personal trainer. Whilst I love the idea of personal trainers and gyms, there's a part of me that says 'but isn't that just another form of abdicating responsibility for my health to another person?'. What happens when you can no longer afford the time or money for those things? The best discipline comes from within.

We just walk. We walk regularly, without fail, come rain, hail or shine. Okay, maybe not in the 'hail'. But walking here in the rain early in the day or evening is a unique joy. I love strolling along, posh umbrella in hand, listening to the rain drip, dripping all around me. A walk in an early Queensland morning downpour is something I wouldn't miss. No-one else is around, and the drumming of the rain on my huge umbrella is almost hypnotic.

The Time for Creating Routine
 

Time for me is important too. I have recently revisited crocheting, sewing, and embroidery. Alby, one of my older sons, is disabled, and for many long years, my days just bled into one another with the responsibility of his care. He is totally physically dependent so his needs were numerous. I had neither the time nor the inclination for crochet, sewing, or embroidery. After much effort and lobbying of politicians, he now lives independently with a team of wonderful, hand picked personal assistants. To read more of that story see The Cerebral Palsy Grapevine. I now truly relish sitting down for an hour in the afternoon, having planned the evening meal earlier in the day, and knowing that my pre-prep sessions have left me with a well stocked refrigerator, freezer and pantry, and just zoning out with a pretty task at hand.

The great thing is, that this also generates a pile of handmade goodies to give as gifts. Pillowcases trimmed with lavish lace and chiffon in neutral colours take mere minutes on a basic sewing machine. Rugs and blankets can be whipped up quickly on the sewing machine too. I've used remnants of luxurious fabrics purchased for under $10, to create lush rugs and throws that would cost up to ten times that price, purchased readymade. I made this one below for my daughter recently. It was the end of a roll of lambswool inspired fleece, super soft and cuddly, and large enough for a double bed throw. It cost just $16. We priced a similar blanket in well known bedding store, for $90. Not only that, but I had sufficient fabric to make this blanket fleece on both sides, not backed with flannelette as the retail one was.

 I love taking inexpensively purchased shirts, and embellishing the collars and cuffs with French knots, in toning or contrasting colours. I make special dresses for my granddaughters, embroidered with bullion roses. You only have to hop on to Etsy or MadeIt to see the explosion in interest in handcrafted goods to appreciate the value in these items. In fact, in aiming for a more French Chic edge to my own wardrobe, I've also grown to appreciate that small but lavish details on plain chain store garments, can elevate so-so, to something unique and lovely.

 If you're not the sewing and stitching type, you could try something like making Goats Milk Soap. I cannot adequately describe the pleasure in creating these long creamy slabs, delicately scented, that lather dreamily and wash us literally from head to toe, with no horrible ingredients. Truly luxurious.

This is all part of realising too, that having an arsenal of skills and a routine of using them constantly, beyond what is expected in the modern era, can save you money. Skills like embroidery, soap making, and learning to sew simple items that require little more than a line of straight stitching on a sewing machine, give you the ability to sew for your family, mend, embellish, and create practical items and one-of-a-kind gifts.

12 years ago I purchased a Brother sewing machine for $129. That sewing machine has provided real savings over that 12 years. Savings that run into the thousands of dollars, between gift creation, mending, sewing dance costumes, and sewing for my home. It simply gave up the ghost last week, and I've finally been able to justify using my two year old 'new' sewing machine, which has a machine embroidery function on it, and which I hadn't set up because my Brother machine, was serving me so well!

At the end of the day, if you don't yet have crafting or sewing or crochet or knitting skills, remember that these are all skills easily picked up online nowadays. YouTube and Google are your friends, and there is very little that you can't teach yourself with a little perseverance. Make that time your own, and make it something you will love doing. That way, your down time, becomes productive too.

That said, there's also nothing wrong with just curling up with a good book or your favourite Social Media either. It truly is up to you.

The spend time with like minded friends Routine

It's worth remembering that mentoring and being mentored is an important part of your routine as well. Make sure you spend time with like minded friends and acquaintances, be it through community groups, short courses, volunteering, or even just following and being actively involved in blogs that mesh with your own life's goals.

Some friends and bloggers that have influenced me greatly, and who I would consider people who mentor me or who I hope to have mentored, include Annabel at The Bluebirds are Nesting, Patsy at A Working Pantry, Jes at Strangers & Pilgrims on Earth and a few more that you can see on your right in my sidebar. I highly recommend following these ladies and their gorgeous blogs for further inspiration on living a healthful, productive life full of the simple joys of home and creativity.

Routine is important. I'd be a bit lost without my routines. I love that at the beginning of each day, I relish what is ahead, and as I get ready to go to bed, I feel a real sense of achievement at what has been accomplished.

What sort of routines do you have? Are you a 'routines' sort of person? Do you think that having a more structured routine would help reduce stress in your home?

Do tell...

 

...Mimi...