Orchids on your Budget...Lesson #2..How to cope with being a Have-Not...

  Marjorie Hillis was one clever cookie.   In 1937, having worked for Vogue for twenty years, she penned this little gem of a book, to help those who, in polite terms, had suffered Changed Circumstances.   Basically this meant that they had gone from being The-Haves, to The Have-Nots. It happened to lots of people called The-Haves back then, courtesy of the Wall Street crash of 1929. Strange times for them!   So in this series, I'm sharing some of Clever Marjories tips for living well on not much, and making the most of it.   One of the sweetest things that Marjorie shares, are her Case Histories. Who really knows for sure, how true to life these Cases are. But there are some real lessons amongst them.   Today I'll share the case of Mrs T, married to a writer, who spends every cent they earn on travel. Her case history explains that 'Mrs T has almost starved in Budapest, Shanghai, Madrid, Moscow and the Left Bank. She has learned to bargain with pennies in half a dozen languages, to cajole irate landlords into friendliness, to make strange garrets homelike, and to get along on sketchy and irregular meals.'   Doesn't sound like much fun so far, does it?   BUT, Marjorie then goes on to say, 'She (Mrs T) has learned that, given wits and courage, you don't starve. And if you should catch her in an intimate moment, you would find that she knows too, that an affection that will last through the crises she and her husband have experienced, is more compensating than money; and that colour and adventure in your life are not dependent upon cash'.  

 

How true.    I know I've lived through some tough times, unfortunately not in locations as picturesque as Budapest or the Left Bank, and they are peppered with some of my fondest memories.   There was a time in my life when I was a single parent, with two teenage sons and a toddler who had just been diagnosed with a severe physical disability. Thankfully I was educated and had a good job,  or I don't know what we would have done sometimes. As it was, we mostly lived week to week. I used to worry about it all the time.   I'd worry that my sons didn't have privileges afforded to two parent families, that they were missing out, that the lack of overseas holidays and clothing with logos on it would somehow diminish their childhood memories.   Well, those sons are now in their late 30s with children of their own, and I can tell you, that one thing they do not recall, at all, is being deprived. Of anything.   They do remember our loving and crazy extended family of my siblings, and their cousins.   They remember that they always had their one special gift under the tree, even if it meant that I spent a whole week of my two weeks holiday pay each Christmas, on them. With the remainder, I'd pay the rent and put fuel in my car so we could get grocery shopping and visiting done, and then I'd bake and we'd have friends over. They boys loved inviting friends, and our home was a constant hub of teenage boys lounging around playing on the Sega Megadrive or out the back indulging in a game of basketball or touch football, or baseball. The other parents loved it too, as they knew where there boys were, and that they were well fed and watched over.   This means that the boys have great memories of having friends over for sleepovers that turned into a week, with popcorn, home made chocolate milk, and my special lasagna on tap. I could churn out that stuff like nobody's business!   And at Christmas, we always had the obligatory hot dinner in the roaring heat of the day here in Australia, and to us, that was Christmas. Some years it was Eye Fillet, and others it was Meatloaf with my Mums special Barbecue sauce, but it all tasted good, no matter what.   So maybe you're struggling this Christmas. Maybe it's a Meatloaf Christmas for you this year, and not an Eye Fillet one. That's really not as unusual as you might think. Plenty of The-Haves, are currently The Have-Nots. I know some!   What to do about it?   Firstly, don't run around pretending to be a Have, if you're a Have-Not. That means you don't go buying extravagant gifts on credit, in denial of your circumstances, okay? If you've already done that and you're wondering how you're going to pay the rent or the mortgage, well, it's not too late to take the gifts back and exchange them for something more modest. Yes, I am serious. A diminished credit rating will not help you or your family.   Secondly, reduce your gift giving list to the bare minimum. Just for now. Even home made gifts still cost money. Save your money for those closest to you. Just for now. You can make it up to everyone else later when your finances improve.   Thirdly, of those closest to you, how many are old enough to understand the current situation of being a Have-Not? Could a Christmas of exchanging meaningful letters sharing memories with one another, be a way of overcoming the urge to spend? Again, there's no point in living in denial. Honesty is best, and you'd be surprised how understanding kids of any age can be, if you are honest with them. You might find that a letter, written from the heart, however scorned initially, may well become one of their most treasured possessions. Especially if things have been tough, and that's been reflected by ongoing tensions in the home.  

 

If the loved ones are little ones, little ones love the unwrapping of the gifts as much as the gifts themselves. Could you do a series of inexpensive gifts, lavishly wrapped, and save the bigger expenditure for the after Christmas Sales? Even little ones understand money, and a modest sum of money, spent however they wish at the sales, might teach them more about life, than any techno gadget. A lesson might be gained too, by helping them search on eBay or in Loan Brokers stores, for the gifts unwanted by others! It's possible to find just the 'thing' they wanted for well under retail price post Christmas.

 

If the loved ones are friends to whom you feel you must gift something, then gift a skill. Teach yourself to give the best hand and arm or scalp massage ever (neither are difficult at all), using a neutral oil like almond oil or a lotion like Sorbolene, lightly scented with their favourite essential oil. This could be Rose, Lavender, Peppermint, Jasmine, Honeysuckle, Frangipani, or perhaps one chosen by offering them a list of what you have on hand. Yes, still an expense, but staggered over a period of time. They might look at you oddly at first, but one massage will convert them!

 

If massage doesn't appeal, then offer a different skill. Cooking and serving a meal, taking their own kids off their hands so they can have a night off, gardening, growing some herbs for them, and regularly harvesting them, growing ivy from cuttings and planting it in hanging baskets later on when finances are improved.

 

Annabel over at The Bluebirds are Nesting, gifts bunches of herbs, and is gifted lemons in return. I know that I'd love either.

 

I have a friend who grows basil by the mile like a weed, and turns it into the most exceptional pesto. This pesto, tossed with fresh pasta, is a taste sensation that cannot be described. This is a tradition she started when she was a struggling single parent too, many years ago, and one she has continued due to the begging of various friends, including me! Now, despite both of us having greatly improved 'circumstances', she still gifts me pesto, and I still gift her home made pasta and pate`, and we're both happy. We each anticipate the others gift too, and treasure it all the more for only having it once a year, with all the memories attached.

 

 

So let's say it's too late to grow basil (it is), and you don't know how to make pasta or pate`.

 

How about inviting your friends on a tour of the Christmas Lights in your area. Or to the church for Carols on Christmas Eve? You can offer to provide the hot chocolate and marshmallows afterwards if you're in a cold climate, or the home made ice creams with fudge sauce, if you're in a hot climate. Ice cream, and home made caramel or chocolate fudge sauce for 10? About $20 or $2 each. Hot chocolate and marshmallows the same. If you serve it with a bit of panache, set the table beautifully, and call it a Sundae Soiree` or a Hot Chocolate Banquet , with wafers for the sundaes, and cinnamon sugar, chocolate flakes, and peppermint sprinkles for the marshmallow hot chocolate, then it still looks like you've made an effort.

 

And most importantly, make sure you're generous. Make sure there's enough hot chocolate and marshmallows or ice cream, fudge sauce and wafers, to go around at least twice, if not thrice. You can afford that if you're not spending ridiculously on gifts that will be forgotten by late January.

 

 

Do whatever you do well, and with a sense of pride, and not one of shame. Be generous of heart and spirit too, and you'll find it will return to you many times over. I promise. Let that driver merge in front of you, offer up your place in the supermarket queue to the mum with the screaming toddler, let that carpark space go, there'll be another. Don't spoil your festive season by being mean of heart and spirit. That will make for a sad time.

 

If you create a feeling of abundance in word and deed, you'll find that you, like Mrs T, fear little and you'll know that the adventures in life, have little to do with money.

 

More tomorrow....

 

...Mimi...