I've always believed in dreaming and goal setting.
Sometimes my dreams seemed so big and ridiculous that I wondered if I was kidding myself to even secretly nurture those dreams.
But being the sort of person I am, I ignored the little voice inside my head that said 'but that's silly...YOU could never do that'...
Just as well. Because that little so and so was completely wrong.
She was wrong when she said I couldn't escape my unhappy relationship and find my true soul mate later in life.
She was wrong when she said I'd never have a home on a suburban acreage with fruit trees and lavender galore.
And she was wrong when she said I couldn't reinvent the way I look and dress at the age of 58.
Little cow. If I'd listened to her, I'd be on my own, family grown, no beautiful daughter, and I certainly wouldn't be living in my fantasy home with my lovely man, and a wardrobe full of pretty dresses and high heeled shoes!
We are sometimes our own worst enemies. We say things in our own heads to ourselves, that we'd NEVER say out loud to someone else.
Here are just a few that I am personally guilty of:
You're too old
You're too fat
You're too inexperienced
Nobody would listen to that
Who'd want to read that?
You're not good enough
There are a million others out there better than you
You get the idea. Shameful really. Nobody else in my life speaks to me that way, so why would I do it? Fortunately I'm savvy to that nasty little voice, and as soon as she starts up, I mentally zip her lip, and find something constructive to do to prove her wrong. I certainly don't sit around wallowing, and let her get a grip on my thinking. That's a path I do not wish to travel, and neither should you.
Look, we can blame our parents, our government, teachers, the medical profession, the hormones in chicken, and the pesticides in vegetables. But at the end of the day, the only person responsible for how you manage your life, is YOU. You have to be kinder to yourself, honestly.
Start finding the things in your life of which you are proud.
Are you a good parent? A good homemaker? A voracious reader? A talented cook?
Can you lead others? Set an example? Comfort your loved ones when they need it? Love your pets? Be the shoulder to cry on?
Are you well educated? Or do you want to be? And if you do, what's stopping you? Don't let that little cow inside your head talk you out of it.
And when I say 'educated', I don't necessarily mean formal education. Some of the wisest, most knowledgeable, sensible, clever folk I know, have just lived and learned. You can do that too. Never before in the history of human existence, has information and education been so readily available.
I dreamed of a stylish home full of French Provincial touches, a gas range, leather lounges, and elegant accessories.
I found my way there over 15 years of gathering furniture, none of which was suitable until we made it over....
I patiently scoured thrift stores over more than a decade, for little bits and pieces. My patience was rewarded often. This lamp was just $10 for the base, and the shade purchased on eBay for $35, suits it well. The silver framed mirror was a find at auction for $100. The already chalk painted and waxed frame, displayed empty a la Francaise, was another lucky find at an antique store for $35. The silver tray, the tureen...thrift store, $5. The greenery from IKEA $10. The chest of drawers was my Mums. I stripped and restored it myself over 30 years ago. That used to be my hobby.
I've now framed a menu from the Musee` d'Orsay with some pretty Parisian touches in the previously empty frame, and hung it on my kitchen wall...
As for my dream of a gas range...well that came true last year after I entered a competition on Instagram and won third prize...here she is...
I ignored the voice in my head that said 'don't be ridiculous...you won't win'. No I didn't 'win'...not first prize which was a trip to somewhere I've already been, and which I didn't want anyway. I won third prize...exactly what I wanted. Good things come to those who wait.
What has found it's way to you after a lifetime of dreaming?
I also dreamed of a feminine ladies vanity table, loaded with the accoutrements of a woman of the world...
I dreamed that I would one day let go of my Mummy wardrobe, and morph into someone a tad more elegant...
I 'educated' myself, took a good hard look at the habits of half a lifetime, brutally culled my wardrobe, my hairstyle, and my attitude, and two years later, I am proudly and unashamedly, a completely different person.
I changed my shopping habits and within a short space of time, discovered I had saved enough money to treat myself to a strand of beautiful Baroque pearls. Something I'd wanted for over twenty years. These make me feel very special.
What would make YOU feel special?
We found an acreage in the 'burbs. It was a knock down house on a bare block, bar three Poinciana trees. Nobody wanted it. We saw the potential.
15 years later, we live in a sprawling renovated home, and enjoy 3/4 of an acre of tropical gardens, full of herbs, lavender, and 10 different types of fruit tree. We were patient. We accepted that we had to start with something far less than what we envisaged, and we had to work darn hard for a very long time. For the first six years, every, single, weekend, was spent in the garden. We poured concrete ourselves, we paved, we planted. Things died. Things survived a three year drought, other things did not. We replanted and regrouped. We clung to our dream, even when sometimes the obstacles seemed insurmountable.
Meanwhile houses were built beside our acreage, and the NIMBY's moved in. What's a NIMBY? That's a 'Not In My Back Yard'. They complained that our trees dropped leaves and flowers onto their snow white pavers. Who the heck paves an outdoor area with glossy white pavers?? They complained that the branches and debris sullied their pools. Sigh. You knew the trees were there when you built.
We had to remove one tree....double, triple, quadruple sigh.
The rest we fought to retain....and won.
The first year following the planting of our fruit trees, this was our harvest.
This year, year three, we have harvests like this one below of earlier this week, the fifth such harvest this season...and we have more to come!
I dreamed of being like my Nanna, who I adored and who passed away when I was just 11. She grew things, sewed things, embroidered and baked and preserved.
I'm getting there.
Here's my cumquat harvest of Tuesday...
...turned into Mums Cumquat Marmalade...
I dreamed that like the elegant ladies in the Country Style magazines, I'd be the one baking and making jam, and packaging it in rustic style, with friends and family eagerly anticipating my wares.
And here's my Nannas Depression Era Fruit Cake, packaged just like the $6.95 (for the small), and $22.95 (for the large) ones in the posh deli near us. That deli's got nothing on me, I tell you...lol.
I didn't listen to the voice saying 'You're just a dag from a big family. Who'd want your stuff?'. I told you. She's a nasty little piece.
Don't you listen to him or her either.
Actively start telling yourself, that your ARE talented, you ARE worthy, you CAN succeed in achieving your goals and dreams. You really. Truly. Can.
Start small. We all do.
Nobody jumps from novice to professional in the snap of a finger. Sometimes it takes weeks, or months or years, or honestly...a lifetime.
You just have to keep at it. Some days it will feel like you've just stood still and done nothing.
Those are the days when you have to step back from your own life and look at it objectively.
Ask yourself these questions...
What has changed for me in the last year?
How can I build on those changes?
What new skills have I learned and how can I continue to improve them?
How do I spend my day, and what changes can I make to start taking tiny steps towards achieving my goals and making my dreams a reality?
I have people tell me often, that they 'don't have time'.
But they have time to watch television, go out drinking, or having coffee.
There's nothing wrong with doing those things. So long as you actively spend time on constructing the life you dream of at some point in your day or week.
Mid morning is my dream making time.
That's when I update my blog, thus fulfilling my goal of being a successful writer. Remember 'success' isn't necessarily defined by dollars. The fact that YOU are here reading my scribbles, is my idea of 'success'.
It's when I spend 15 minutes, or half an hour or an hour or two, sewing or embroidering, or baking.
I might make French inspired trim for pillow cases...
It's when I use the internet or my home library to source new ideas for gifts and treats for my loved ones.
...like home made personalised scents...
Lavender scented home deodoriser makes our home welcoming and fresh...
...and I'm always on the lookout for a new idea to road test. These gorgeous canisters with rose embellishments are a new inspiration.
Just last year, in line with one of my goals, I taught myself to paint Swoosh Roses. I've loved these since forever, and now I can embellish things with Roses to my hearts content!
I think that's my dream fulfilment task for today, actually!
What about you?
What single task can you perform to fulfill a dream today?
Look ahead one year, five years, twenty years, and decide who you want to be.
Don't you pay no mind to the naysayers and negative people in your life, and tell that little sprite in your own head to zip it. Be kind, be nurturing, become the person who CAN support others in achieving their dreams, because you've lived your own.
Learn a new skill every year, change the way you see yourself, and over time, others will see you differently too.
Respect your stage of life, and take teeny baby steps if need be. Don't go at it like a bull at a gate, only to be disappointed because your lifestyle doesn't support those big changes.
One thing. Just one.
Could you make your bed look more lovely? Or perhaps just 'make the bed'?
Could you arrange some greenery from the garden in a pretty vase to give you something special in your home? Or plant some herbs or an ivy at your front door?
Could you wear a dress, instead of track pants?
Could you prepare the meal earlier in the day to give you time to spend with a loved one this evening?
Could you teach yourself one new little skill? How to embroider something, paint something, bake something, write a poem, make a card, sew a button, stitch a hem?
Baby steps.
Confucius is credited with saying...
'The journey of a thousand miles, begins with but a single step'.
What will be your single step today?
...Mimi...
